Packing our bags again (you’d think by now I would just keep one ready and sitting by the door). Austin and I are due in the sedation unit tomorrow morning at 7 for his 8 o’clock time slot in radiation. He needs to be sedated every time he has radiation so he doesn’t move (telling […]
Boy, I thought we had a lot of toys last week…. These kids have made out like bandits. And they are thoroughly enjoying it. A little proof for you: The above stash came from the family of a cancer survivor who provides presents to those kids who are in-patient at Christmas. We obviously weren’t but […]
I’ve been struggling. Focusing in on the absolute worst possible outcome in any given scenario. Certain that Austin would fall victim to every “rare but serious” side effect listed for each of his drugs (things that range from permanent hearing loss to irreversible organ failure to the big D). Wondering how many children I’ll be […]
I know you all want to help. Every day, many times every day, people lament to me that they feel as if they’re just not doing enough. You beg for tasks needing completion or take my packages to the post office when you weren’t really planning on going (despite saying you were). You go quietly […]
OK, so it’s probably a good thing that I’ve been far too exhausted and far far too busy to update for the past forty-eight hours because the plan had changed about forty-eight times since then. Well, no, it’s not the plan that’s changed so much as the details of the plan. But now I think […]
Just because you have a plan doesn’t mean things will go according to it …. Don’t worry, nothing major except that instead of sitting around my table enjoying this delicious meal with my family, I am sitting in front of the computer quickly eating before packing my gear for one more night. Today’s surgery to […]
Did I mention that this process is a series of ups and downs, a winding road of highs and lows and of ever-changing emotions and ever-changing plans? We have a new plan, a totally different plan, and Mark and I are very very pleased with it. We are keeping the kidney, going to let it […]
This has been quite a few days. Depths of despair punctuated by brief moments of clarity and even hope. I’m mostly just sad. Sad for all Austin has had to endure and all he will have to endure, sad for Braedan for the very same reasons, and sad for us. More than ever in this […]
Oh, it’s never fucking enough. Somehow, every time, no matter what we do, no matter what Austin does, it is never fucking enough. We got the pathology reports yesterday and, if you were to rank the four possible outcomes from best to worst, this is the third one down. Which, you know, is sort of […]
No, this isn’t about a bad pathology report or anything. It’s actually sort of funny. (Just wanted to set your minds at ease after reading that title.) You know the whole “pee is pee and pee is good” business and all the stars that include wishes for pee and lots and lots of it? Well, […]