Mark and I sat around for a long time last night trying to figure out exactly what to hope will come out of today. Wishing for everything to “be okay” doesn’t quite cut it, nor does my usual “I hope the worst is behind us.” We need some specifics here. We’ve settled on four scenarios, […]
I’ve ended my book three times. The first in March 2008 after Austin’s Broviac line was removed and the first time he was declared “cancer-free.” Then again in April 2009, after what we now call “the almost relapse.” And finally — or what I thought was finally — in August 2010. I’m going to share […]
Austin will have an MRI on Thursday afternoon. It took some juggling to get this scheduled because we were initially hoping for a morning slot, since he can’t eat before being sedated. But the next available morning slot was on May 31 and none of us (neither Mark and I, nor Austin’s doctors) were comfortable […]
You know I’m not big on religion or “signs” or anything like that, but in moments like these, I inevitably grasp at straws and find meaning everywhere. In songs on the radio, in stories on the news, in typical childlike queries. Sometimes in places I wish I didn’t. Like yesterday when one of Braedan’s classmates, […]
I know that every time this happens, there are a zillion questions running through everyone’s minds that send you all scrambling through the blog archives and even to other online sources. “But wait, what about that time three years ago when…?” I noticed on my Stats page yesterday that someone was directed to my blog […]
You know how this goes. First I’m in disbelief, then I’m angry and sad and scared, then I grasp at something to hope for. Then there comes (or not) a reluctant acceptance of the ugly truth, followed by that well of strength that has been tapped too many times. Back and forth, up and down, […]
I’m a cocky mother fucker. With my champagne chilled and ready to uncork. With my celebratory blogpost, not typed yet, but certainly drafted in my head. With every second of my month tied up with things completely unrelated to cancer. A cocky mother fucker. Let me start by saying that ultrasound imaging sucks. It’s simply […]
Two years ago, on May 3, 2010, Austin and I had an unexpected overnight at the hospital due to high blood pressure, described here in a post aptly titled The wrong side of the window. We were stuck in that god-awful limbo between choosing to remove his kidney and continue with chemo or venturing blindly […]
We definitely played hooky. I let the kids sleep in and even gave in to their request for homemade waffles (not a normal weekday occurrence). We opted out of the zoo since it was a record 92 degrees (and, if you’ve ever been to the Cleveland Zoo, you know it feels about ten degrees hotter […]
What’s that they say about the best laid plans? I sure wish they wouldn’t say it. As you astute readers may have already guessed, I learned this morning that tomorrow’s long-awaited scans need to be rescheduled. And I’m not using that word “long-awaited’ lightly. We’ve been waiting for these since July 30, 2007. The radiologist […]