Everybody’s Doing It
OK, this will be my final public mulling over when to send Austin to kindergarten. For a little while at least!
My big issue right now is that I feel like sending him this coming fall is the RIGHT thing to do. Yes, he would still be only four for the first few weeks, but the official deadline is September 30 and he’ll be five by September 30. So unless I have a very good reason, an actual developmental or physical delay, then he should go. (And, amazingly, he doesn’t have any documented or even suspected physical or developmental delays.)
Somebody has to be the youngest kid in the class, so why not Austin? I’m not certain that being the youngest is always a disadvantage anyway. I know plenty of people, both my age and currently in school, who didn’t mind or don’t mind being in that position. In fact, Braedan had a neighbor friend over the other day who is the youngest boy in his fourth grade class, yet another late September birthday. I asked him about it and he said he truly doesn’t care. He said he’s smaller than most kids (but not all) and that some who are even younger are bigger so that’s irrelevant. He does extremely well academically and has no problem fitting in with his peers. He said it hasn’t once been an issue for him thus far in his schooling.
When I spoke with his mom, she said that, back when she was making the decision to send him, a concerned friend said, “But don’t you want him to be a leader?” She said, sure she did, but that he was going to be a leader no matter what. He is a leader. Personality does that, not age. Heck, Braedan could have started kindergarten when he was four and it would have been no big deal. Not that he’s some super genius, but he’s always been emotionally mature and quick to make friends and feel at ease in new situations and he would have done just fine.
So anyway, what I’m saying is that Austin being younger than his classmates by eleven months or ten months or nine months is not a worry for me. So what? There’s automatically going to be a range of kids in a class, some with birthdays up to a year behind the others. What does worry me is the other kids who get held back, the June and July and August kids (boys especially) who would be several months beyond six when they started. It’s that awful “everybody’s doing it” problem. I don’t want to hold him back, but I’m afraid I might because everybody’s doing it. I sort of feel like we get screwed by the people who (in my opinion) should send their kids on time but don’t.
Now I know a lot of you have shared your own experiences with me, both here and in private emails, and I don’t want to offend anyone by having asked your opinion and then saying I think what you did is wrong. And I know that everyone thought carefully about their decisions and of course has every right to make whichever choice they want. But maybe that’s my real issue — maybe I wish we didn’t have the choice. If there was one national law with one national deadline and you simply had to send your kid, then this wouldn’t be an issue for any of us.
But of course it is. You can tell that I would really like to send him, but I will continue to think this over and discuss it with Mark and Austin’s teachers and others. And then, when the time comes, we’ll make the best choice we can and, once we’ve decided, we won’t second guess ourselves and will just live with the consequences. Like we do with all the other decisions we’ve had to make.
Have you read Malcolm Gladwell’s book, The Outliers yet? I’m about 25% into it. The first two chapters are all about age and birth year cutoffs. The correlation between age and performance is shocking, although I’m not sure yet that I agree with his definition of success. Still reading…
Krissy- I was one of the youngest in my class and REALLY appreciate it now . It’s nice when all of your friends turn 50 and you’re still in your 40’s. Okay, so that was a few years ago but 60 isn’t too far in the future. He’ll be fine… whatever decision you make…………………………
And, for all you know, Austin won’t even be the youngest kid in his class anyhow–maybe he’ll sit next to a girl whose birthday is September 29!
Honestly, what makes this hard obviously is that either decision is perfectly valid and has a lot of good reasons for it. You have great instincts and he’ll be fine no matter what you decide.
Krissy – go with your gut feeling on this one – I know you won’t be influenced by what other people are doing – whether they’re doing it for the right reasons or the wrong reasons. Do what feels right. Barbara
What does Austin want?
Hey Krissy! Coming from a guy who’s birthday is September 30th – born ON the deadline – I never had any problems being the youngest… If he’s up for it, send him – you can always elect to hold him back down the road if it becomes necessary. Take care…
Krissy — I have a November 1 birthday, and so I have always been THE youngest in my classes. Yep, I was 4 for two whole months. Crazy, huh? In fact, I wasn’t allowed to start Kindergarten — no school in my area would obviously allow me to attend — and my mom forced the issue by sending me to a Catholic Kindergarten in COLLINWOOD that took anybody who would go (that’s not how it was described to me, of course). I then moved schools for 1st grade and on in the area in which I grew up…it always made me feel extra special that I was the absolute youngest, yet was always a great student, etc. with kids that were an entire year older than me. The whole concept gave me UNTOLD AMOUNTS OF CONFIDENCE, not to mention the fact that I had a mom that believed in me so much she was willing to buck the system for it.
Of course, I have nieces and nephews on both sides of this argument, and so I see different ways that it can play out (many are in college and beyond now, all with very different strengths that may or may not have had anything to do with the strategy their parents chose) …I believe Jennifer mentioned something above about the definition of success….she is so right.
The “leader” concept you mentioned is so interesting — you know as well as I do that leadership skills cannot be artificially manipulated through systems, and certainly have nothing to do with age. Leading others has everything to do with a whole host of other things — love, support, confidence, hard-work, emotional intelligence (keep listing here), etc. To say that a child will be more confident because he is better at something than others that are younger than him, is well, it’s counter-intuitive. Wouldn’t it make him feel less confident in his ability!?
The bottom line is, you can never go wrong with your decision for your child. The comment above about your gut is right on. All of these comments are right on. I also agree with you, it’s almost like you wish you didn’t have the choice, but then again, there would always be some rule-breaker-loop-hole-seeker like my mom that actually erred on the side of youth and sending a kid EARLY!!!!