Not surprised
Oh, how I wanted to be surprised. I wanted to be shocked, disbelieving: “What?! Really? It shrunk? It disappeared? It can do that??”
But no, I was not surprised. It was as we had thought. And as we had feared.
This little mass has doubled in size, from 1 centimeter in diameter to 2, in the past three weeks. That pretty much does it for us, that’s about as certain as they come. We’re still going to do a needle biopsy before scheduling surgery, just to be positive sure, but it would be pretty shocking if this wasn’t a cancerous tumor. There’s really nothing else that it could be.
We’ll try to schedule a biopsy for later this week, which requires a two-nght stay, one for pre-hydration and one for observation in case it causes excess bleeding in the kidney. Then, assuming that proves that this is indeed cancer, we would schedule a surgery for the following week to remove that tough little kidney.
Oh, that kidney. I am mourning that kidney already. It has surprised and impressed us all over the past two years and I really wanted to see how far it could go, how many years its can-do, no-quit attitude would give us. And now, we will take it out before it ever has the chance to prove all it is capable of.
We’re still calm, strangely so. Numb, I guess. Not surprised, which helps. This has been a long time coming. That whole October dilemma about the cystic lesion prepared us for this, let us wrap our heads around the idea of dialysis and transplant, made us really contemplate what might lie ahead of us.
Back in March, when that new tumor appeared and we thought his cancer had recurred, that time was shocking. That knocked the wind out of us, sent us reeling, spinning out of control. We had so firmly believed it was over, we had so firmly believed we were safe. And we weren’t. But that episode taught us a lot. We’ve been on our toes ever since. And so today, we are not surprised.
But oh, how I wanted to be surprised.
I’m so sorry.
Carol
so sorry Krissy
Dear Krissy & Mark,
I so want a cure for Austin like the one I have been given. I feel so helpless. I wish I knew of the miracle that lies out there somewhere. You both are remarkable in the way you process all these daily changes in your little guys’ life & then ultimately your own. If anyone will make his life wondrous, no matter what, it is the two of you. My thoughts & prayers are with you always.
Linda
i am holding little austin in my mind and heart always.
I wish that I could give him one of mine. Our prayers are for an outcome that will be positive. I have been silent but know that I am feeling the disappointment that comes with something like this. Fondly Tom
Oh Krissy and Mark, I am so sorry. Please let me know if you need anything! My thoughts and prayers and tears are with you.
Well, here’s what I’m thinking ….. You know that old expression – the opera ain’t over till the fat lady sings – and I haven’t heard anyone singing! It seems to me that Austin is so strong, he’s just about capable of anything – and I mean anything! And I agree, that little kidney is so strong too! So you’ll have the biopsy, and you’ll see what you find. And whatever it is, it is, and you’ll get to the next step and the next and the next. And you’ll just keep going from there. You just have to take it one step at a time. If you thought of the whole process, it will drive you crazy. And when it comes to kidney transplants, there are so many, many things on the horizon – it’s unbelievable – like growing organs from one’s own stem cells (so you don’t have to deal with the whole rejection issue), and Austin is so young, and so resilient, all those things may be waiting for him when he’s ready. I’ve even heard of children who’ve been transplanted at such a young age, that they don’t even need the anti-rejection drugs after a while! So one step at a time – just one step and then the next – and you’ll get there. Barbara
Thinking of all of you and still praying for miracles; if no miracles, then continued strength to meet all that lies ahead.
We are thinking of you guys, and were so hoping for different news.
Austin is in our thoughts and our hearts. Liz and Andy
So heart-wrenching to hear. Please let us know if we can do anything to help make the next few weeks and whatever comes after a little easier. Be strong as you always have been and know our prayers are with you all!
We are so sorry to learn you will have more tough challenges. We have a neighbor boy with brain cancer & we are all sending loving thoughts to him every evening. We will do the same for Austin. Every evening.
The Andersons
This news makes me so sad. I am always thinking of Austin and your family.
Julia
Mark and Krissy, I am so sorry.